My drug of choice? Empowering others



I was around 36 when I realized that I couldn’t stay in this place of being bored, uninspired and generally unexcited about my life.  Actually, I had only realized that I was those three things after I received a letter from my grandmother that she had written before she died.  She commented on how at age ninety five, she was able to look back on her life with fond memories.

That prompted me to think about my own life and looking back, apart from my two beautiful girls, the rest just had an emptiness about it.  I felt like I had just existed and plodded along through each day going to work, being a wife, raising children.  Doing what I had to do but with no level of excitement or happiness.   I hadn’t yet lived in the true sense of the word.  I hadn’t experienced a great love, I had never worked in an inspired and fulfilling career that excited me and I had never felt that I was truly making a difference and assisting others on a regular basis.  I wasn’t smiling and feeling joyous which to me is the true meaning of living!  I knew that there was a life with more meaning out there, it was a matter of finding out exactly what that was and how I could go about achieving it.

“Healing through the spoken word” had always been a skill I had carried with me since adulthood. I found people were naturally drawn to me when they needed to talk an issue over, had a problem or just wanted some advice on whatever was going on in their life.   I was certainly always known as someone who liked to talk and I guess its characteristic of someone born under Gemini!

When I was placed in this position, I found that it came so naturally for me to encourage and inspire others, and to also allow them to see things from a different perspective, put new meaning onto it.  The feedback I got was that people gained greater clarity on a situation and felt a sense that they were going to be okay.  Conversations always ended with the friend feeling more upbeat and inspired, and well, I also got great satisfaction out of doing it.  It made me feel so good to help, assist and inspire others.  It fulfilled me, brought me more into that joyous state I was after.

I had been a lost soul since my mother died suddenly when I was 16.  She left behind eight children and a husband.  My mother had always been my safety net.  Had been the one person who accepted me as I am, encouraged me and looked at me as if to say “I love you just the way you are”.  In fact, one of the very last things I heard her say to someone else was “there is no greater love than a mother for her child”.

I blended in so well with my large family to the point of almost non existence and felt unseen, unheard and disconnected.  I remember so many times offering up something to a family conversation only to be overlooked and spoken over.  I felt so invisible and very lonely.  I was a middle child, no great talents, mediocre at school, no interesting hobbies.  I was existing, but I wasn’t shining.  My light had truly been diminished the day she died.  The one person who would listen and allowed me to feel that being me was okay and who would give me looks of unconditional love, was now gone.

Everything I did from sixteen onwards after my mother had died was purely just going through the motions whilst feeling quite numb.  I finished business college, went into the workforce, travelled overseas, got married – all the while doing all this without much satisfaction, happiness or joy.  I felt I was doing only what was expected of me and not yet come to the realization that this could all change if I wished it to.

At age thirty six I found myself in yet another unfulfilling office role, and thirteen years into an unsupportive, unfeeling marriage.  I was unfulfilled at work because it was a career that had sat well with family expectations, then the expectations of a husband  of what a dutiful wife should be doing, and I was living to please others first and foremost and not consider what might have made me shine.   I was expected to contribute to the household income and did not have a husband who liked the idea of me exploring alternative careers that may have uncertainty of income attached to them.    My marriage had been a disaster from day one purely because I had been searching for safety and security, the opportunity to create the ‘home’ that my mother had created for me.  I remember on my wedding day thinking “I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be more excited about this today.”  I don’t believe I was in love with my husband.  Sure, I liked him well enough and he was a responsible citizen with a job, so at that time I chose safety and security over passion, variety, risk taking and joy.

It was though at this time that I felt the faint burning of the light that I thought had gone out 20 years previously.

As the light grew the need for change and living authentically grew, so did the urgency and determination to live a different life, to break free from my own perceived limitations and transition into the life that had always been waiting for me.

I had clarity that this new life would be one of purpose, service and contribution.  I felt that my new life would have a great impact not only on myself, but on others as well.  I had always had a voice in my head urging me to “know and own my greatness” and this is something that I wanted to pass on to others – women in particular.  I knew this would give me a sense of wholeness and purpose and I would truly be living the life I was born to live.

So now, nearly four years later my life has dramatically changed.  In 2007 I studied for a year to become an Accredited Practitioner of Life Coaching.  In 2008 I was certified as a Practitioner of Neuro Linguistics Programming.  In 2010 I qualified as a Trainer & Assessor.

During that time I also faced the fear of leaving my marriage along with the safety and security and walked away from mediocrity to seek what I knew I was yet to experience – real and unconditional love.  I’m happy to say that I have since found it!

So how do I use my own experience to benefit others?  Well, I’m thrilled to say that the answer to that is “in many ways!”.   I resurrected my “Ask Coach Bobbi” life coaching business last year and I’m now a Self Empowerment and Life Transition Specialist who provides Breakthrough Coaching for Women.  I assist these women to know and own their greatness, just as I needed to do.  I take them on their own journey of self discovery, self realization and self empowerment – the same journey I too had to make.

The key point to my coaching is to teach women what I have learnt.  That to live the life that we wish, we must look back and see the ‘why’ behind what we do.  Timeline therapy is great for this and we have so much success looking back at defining moments that have occurred in a person’s life, what beliefs clients took on board, and how their lives subsequently have been lived according to those beliefs.  Looking back on my own life, my greatest lesson was that I had always searched for love outside of myself, now really its something that truly comes from within.  For when we live from a place of self love, we trust our choices, stand firm in our values and fearlessly step on to our authentic path.  And we know that it’s okay to do this.  We are fully supported by the Universe.

Since the beginning of the year I have also been presenting a radio program on Blog Talk Radio, another program on Motivational Radio, I’m on the team of the ever growing Spirit Magazines and I’ve developed my 12 Steps to Self Empowerment Coaching program which is based on my soon to be realeased  first book, The 12 Steps to Self Empowerment.

I always say “empowering others is my drug of choice”.   It feeds my own soul and through my own life’s experiences I have been able to reach out and connect, inspire and empower others and feel okay about living a life according to me.   I’m now living in that joyous state on a daily basis.


Coach Bobbi specialises in Breakthrough Coaching for Women.  Through her knowledge of human behavior, combined with Spirit and her 12 Steps to Empowerment, Coach Bobbi will assist you to wake up to your true form – one of empowerment, strength, focus and authenticity.



  1. merry said...

    Your story sounds sooooooooooooooo much like mine, except for the part of finding out what to do with my life.
    I’m on that journey now of self discovery and self love. Self love is something i have never known; just like you, i chose security over everything else; please everyone else but me etc.
    thanks for your story. It really hit home.

    Jun 20, 2011 at 4:29 pm
  2. Lorraine said...

    Hi Bobbi, Yes my story is much like yours and I too have moved to follow my passion, becoming Intuitive Energy Healer and Transformational Coach. I also love to empower and run Self Empowerment courses. I will look forward to hearing and reading about you more.


    Jun 20, 2011 at 10:14 pm
  3. Jenna said...

    Hi Bobbi,
    Your story of going from a self described “lost soul” to a leader and coach of others touched my heart. I am glad you found your purpose in life and want to thank you fro doing so much for others.


    Feb 15, 2012 at 2:13 pm
  4. Gudny said...

    Hi Bobbi,

    I wanted to say how very much I agree with you. Although I am only 26 years old I have been on this same path for a long time now. I feel like I was meant to help others figure things out, to be a positive person who won’t let others bring her down. I am starting a degree in Publishing in the UK and hope to be able to use that to come my message across. If you ever need some extra staff you can let me know!

    Gudny Gudmundsdottir

    Sep 02, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Share your thoughts